Well it's been another 'interesting' week if you're into politics or just generally freedom of speech and human rights in general. Firstly there was the second debate in which Clegg just grabbed it for me by a nose or two, then there was one of the Murdoch offsprings and his diabolical partner in crime, Rebakah Wade (I hope I've spelt her name wrong) brow beating the Independent editor because he suggested the ludicrous idea that elections aren't won by newspaper's but, erm...the public. Every right wing rag have been up in arms because a hung parliament would cause some kind of holocoust. Essentially they were shit scared because they might look like dicks when this election is all over. I hope so because they are dicks. Anyway, my policies on Law and Order...
LAW AND ORDER
There doesn't seem to be much, does there? You know, maybe education might be much improved if anti-social behaviour, drug abuse, drug related crime, bad parenting and all the little scroats out there who know you can't touch 'em, actually, really get punished instead of pointless funded intervention programmes that actually spend money taking them canoeing, go karting and mountain climbing. Policing needs to support this, and actually respond to calls and keep them off the streets making arses of themselves and the lives of others a misery. I can understand it though. If I was in the police I'd just chat to my mates and go for a drive instead of arseing about creating more paperwork.
Face it, we've tried the liberal approach, the 'oh, they just need love'. Maybe it's a stretch but have we actually tried punishing them as well as rewarding them? Low level crime seems to be the biggest challenge as far as I'm concerned as is the fear of it. I wouldn't even call it low level anyway because people might fear it more than high level crime. The fear of it, I expect is down to the constant reporting and sensationalism of it. It's quite a complex thing when you thing of it. Kids have to deal with peer pressure, you know, knifing each other to fit in, kicking someone to death because they don't have the capacity to reason, or shooting someone because, well, it's a laugh. There's all kinds of local initiatives which deal with crime prevention, drug abuse and interventing with various programmes to steer kids off the road to crime. Either they're not being funded properly and supported by local councils or the kids don't give a shit. There has to be some responsibility on the parts of the asbo teens. And before people whinge on and on and on about there being fuck all to do, well, here's what I think about that. BOLLOCKS! I've lived in a council estate for about 25 years. There was crime, anti social behaviour and drug abuse. I didn't get involved. And it wasn't because I was particularly brought up in a stable home environment. My motivation was that I didn't want to live in this environment. I had ambition and thought 'I have every right to do what I want.' It wasn't easy, no one expects it to be, but you have to take some responsibility if you want to attempt to live a life that doesn't revolve signing on, taking drugs, hanging about at bus stops and generally being chavvy dickheads.
Now maybe people like me have turned into a snob and should be giving them a step up. I agree but I have to be met half way. The time's I've heard some of these self-entitled idiots spout gibberish like 'I'm not geting out of bed for less than £400 a week...it's all them immigrants taking our jobs innit?' Well it isn't, dickface! It's YOU who's the problem! 1. You either haven't worked all your life so have little experience or skills for the wage you expect or 2. You've barely left school and there's this funny concept called getting experience and actually learning something. Try it. 3. Many of these immigrants either will work, have skills and are not arseing about everywhere, taking smack or boozing up. Hmm. Funnily enough I've rarely been met half way. Despite all the confidence and advice I've handed out to them in my capacity as a teacher or a IAG advisor. It's sad.
So some points:
1. Drug related crime should be punished as equally as rehabilitation. Higher sentences. These people shouldn't be on the streets untill they're clearly clean and have a job. Maybe social workers could assess their progress on a regular basis.
2. Kids have to go to school. If some school's are unable or can't retain them, create schools that will. Education is important.
3. Family planning is an area that has be debated for future generations. What'sthe point of having kids if you don't have the means to support them through life, and if they end up being scroats just like their parents? We really have to be harder in some areas and discourage certain cultures. Having a child isn't merely a way of life, it's a responsibility which a lot of parents get bored with. This has to stop.
4. Sentencing should actually fit the seriousness of the crime. Anything that involves physical or mental harm should be sentenced accordingly, rather than people being allowed to reoffend.
5. Probation. Are criminals suitably followed up on release? If not, why? Can't we find them a job prior to release and put an order on them getting back in touch with the wrong crowd? Are we doing this? Why isn't it working?
6. Put them on an island with Nick Griifn. Then they'll all have the kind of paradise they've reaped and deserve.
What better way to reach your electorate and telling them what you stand for than peppering the streets with propaganda in the form of shit posters, and littering the TV schedules with political/election broadcasts, designed to get you, the dumb assed voter to ask the same rhetorical questions as the parties? In fact they are all the same questions. Like someone who has a brain in their skull is going to say 'Actually I want a really shit national health service...schools can fuck off, bring back work houses...' They constantly want to bombard you with issues that 1. are quite obvious, 2. some people don't give a shit about because it doesn't apply to them (e.g. immigration. Many of thsoe who bleat on and on about being swamped not only don't work but never even bloody worked when immigration was low) 3. how shit the other parties are, as if they have the answers.
In a week that has seen the media in all but name masturbate themselves to death over the TV debate, piping cum all over spin alley and Westminster, you could be forgive that the only one's who really give a shit about campaigns are those in Westminster village. It's sort of like Manchester's Gay Village I imagine only with less shag tags.
So let's have a look what all the bother has been about.
Is that John Pertwee's son? Oh yeah, great one this. Grey skies, Britain at a crossroads metaphor, spineless-play-it-safe-Brown-esque voter who doesn't know which way to go because, well, Brown did one thing right perhaps...Oh dear.
This one's even more patronising. Part of a series of 'stories'. I've never voted tory before but...I'm middle class, I have kids and actually I'm an unconvincing actress. So fuck off everyone! They make me wretch and laugh at the same time. Look at how aspirational and pretty we all are. Listen up, crappy campaigners! You can see right through this shit! The blue jacket, the not very subtle imagery again. Why not feature chavs or people who have not actually voted tory, or pretended not to? Give me a break!
Here we go, so this is what Britain will look like in around 28 days if Labour or Tory's get in? Clegg would get my vote if the rage got him and he went around killing and eating the folks in the other broadcasts.
How is it that every government manages to fuck this department up? How difficult can it be to stop all the petty squabbles about the two tier system, getting into the right school, university places? Simple, make it one size fits all. Remove the two tier system. Insecure middle class parents are just worried that their kids will end up becoming rapists and drug addicts because they may mix with kids from council estates and actually enjoy spending time with them. If you actually trusted your kids and didn’t smother them you wouldn’t have to worry whether they’ll rebel. And of course all kids from council estates don’t have ASBOS and those who have only do so because the government have fucked up their responsibility to those as well. But I’ll come to that at some point soon.
As for quality of provision, the state and private sector has, as far as I know teaching staff who are equally qualified to deliver high quality teaching. Problem is they are not supported in the state sector. Powers are taken away. Precious time is wasted doing CPD and crappy paper work and more and schools and headteachers are constantly playing second fiddle to the parents who, with respect, have little understanding of what teachers have to go through because they get an edited, fictionalised, dumbed down version of reality from the tabloid press. Rather than supporting schools, governments keep announcing stupid ideas that are unrealistic and actually haven’t improved the quality of education. Like the clueless proposal by Ed Balls for teachers to now have 'MOTs' that require teachers to have more tests. Hello? Don't they have CPD and teaching qualifications, along with teaching hours, planning and prep and god knows what else? You could pay them more for a start. But arseholes like Ed Balls do all this to pretend that they are doing something to address issues in education. What they are doing is muddying the waters and should stay out of it.
Just give the LEAs the money and let the experts in education (those who actually work in schools, colleges and universities) decide how to spend it. If we want your input and regulation we’ll ask for it. So make the system classess. Raise the leaving age to 21 and those who have no wish to be academic can and should train to do something vocationally. Those who don’t want to learn, the parents who want to complain, those who take the piss at school, penalise them. I’d rather not bring back borstall but those who want to opt out or are too disruptive can be taught via other means. Home schooling has to be reformed as well. Parents who wish to school there kids at home should be allowed to do so, once they have the necessary skills, experience and teacher training...and they should teach to the national curriculum, once this has been reformed to represent the soiceity we live in. What's this bollocks about school kids interviewing applicants for teaching jobs? It's one thing to bleat and squeal about the nanny state but this is beyond parody. You might as well have kids interviewing social workers, teens interviewing community support officers, Catholic preists, McDonald's staff, rocket scientists? Why is it that teachers are held in so low a regard in Britain? The image of teachers need to be celebrated and respected. This society wants to make the role models and fall guys in equal measure. You could start by rewarding and trusting them. Government and voters alike. Instead of acting like self-righteous wankers.
As for those journalists that bleat on in their annual pieces about A-level's getting easier, maybe they should actually spent a few weeks shadowing teachers or exam markers instead of insulting kids and parents who have worked hard to get qualifications. What they'd eventually realise once they've taken their pencils out of their constipated arseholes is that it's the assessment procedure which rewards rather than penalises. I speak as someone who is a qualified teacher and as marked exams.
Faith schools. The equal opportunities policy needs to be followed to the letter. If you're a teacher and you don't have a 'faith' this does not make you inadequate to work at a faith school. You wouldn't think that though, judging by the amount of teachers who either don't get an interview, let alone the one's who are not put off by some application processes that requires teachers to have a 'faith'. All schools should already be maintaning an all inclusive ethos and mission statement irrespective of your faith, sex, colour or ability. You wouldn't think it. If trust is one of the key themes of this election, more than any other time maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to trust the professionals who are qualified to deliver public services, and assess the middle managers and picky micro managers who interefere in something totally beyond them.
So who can best deliver this? That's anyone's guess.
There I was the other morning, minding my own business, walking back from a frame shop, looking at another negative poster by the tories of Gordon Brown smiling, anchored to the claim that he's cheated pensioners out of bliions of pounds, when I suggested the best way Labour could get the popular vote was if they used an image of Gene Hunt from Ashes to Ashes with the slogan 'If you don't vote for me I'm gonna come round your house and stamp on your toys!'
Well in a crazy blurring of fantasy/reality, Labour unveiled this poster. Which spectacularly misfired, as Labour strategists and the poor bloke who won the comp to design a poster obviously were out of touch and failed to recognise that Gene Hunt is actually POPULAR, especially with the female electorate.
Fair from being offended Cameron was flattered. You can guess what came next.
So there you have it. The election effectively belongs to the tories, thanks to the popularity of a racist, homophobic, sexist fictional cult television anti-hero.
In short, Labour are one nil ahead in election fuck up's.
I apologise in advance if this doesn’t come across as eloquent or very well researched but I’m almost at the end of my tether to such an extent that this series of fantasy policies and proposals I’m about to put forward warrants nothing but an emotional and theoretical response. I hate the tory party and the values it professes to have. There’s no way I would vote for them. In fact I haven’t voted for anyone since 1992. I didn’t vote New Labour in as well and its facile when arseholes say ‘Ooh if you haven’t voted you don’t have a voice!’ Bullshit. The fact that someone hasn’t voted is in itself a political act, just because there isn’t a party to represent or to competently carry out this apathy, or alternative, brave policies says quite a lot actually. So you do have a voice. More so.
All the other niche parties are jokes as well. UKIP, BNP, Monster Raving Looney Party…often created to display how ridiculous politics have became in recent years. But you'll get jerks who will say 'your MP has a duty to you, go and see them, write to them…’ but all they have ever done is nod and say how much they understand, that they are doing what they can, but they do fuck all! And continue to do so and will continue to do so. If I don’t vote in the next election it’s easy to dismiss me has having no voice so I’ll make my voice known here. I’ll put forward my policies for the Best Before Party. It does exist, although there is only one member. This should take us up to the General Election.
I'll begin next time with my take on EDUCATION and how we might go about managing not to fuck it up, the way everyone else does.
No point wondering why BBC give this arsehole a wide birth because, as we know from previous examples, the BBC are always making shit decisions. So because he was in 'The History Boys' it follows that Corden is some sort of acting genius. Because he was in the way, way over the head rated ' Gavin and Stacey' he must be some kind of acting genius and not the squealing, giggling pig face he is. (Actually he'd fit right in if a remake of Redemption came along). He just isn't funny or any more talented than yer average BTEC First Dip Peforming Arts student. Don't insult our intelligence Corden. But because like Kay, he's in your face like vomit and spittle from an unpleasant patient in a care home, and he's cuddly, he's some kind of genius. Right.
Timbaland must immediately stop appearing in videos. What's with his eyes? His he blind or something or are the songs so comical and novelty that he can't take them seriously and this shows in his eyes? I enjoy 'some' of his past productions in very tiny doses but there's something prickish about him.
What a decade. The bad news is that it will descend further and we’ll all be ageing while it does.
It’s been a crap decade partly because of the following;
RISE OF THE CHAVS
Imagine the film 'Terminator 3-Rise of the Machines' and substitute it for chavs. It’s a terrible vision of the future isn’t it? And it’s been here for a while already. Chavs aren’t distasteful label whores like Daily Express/Mail believe. They can’t afford labels, often getting knock off’s from the market. They don’t work, are largely unemployable, are often off their faces on any number of drugs or cheap cider, have bad teeth, skanky and manky, wear baseball hats (still), are fond of striped tops and tracksuit bottoms, can often be seen in council estates with their council faced girlfriends, love what they call hardcore music, although they’d as would we, be hard pressed to recognise and identify track names or writing credits. They might occasionally splash out hiring a stretch limo (you know the type, with the phone numbers advertised all over them. Like anyone IMPORTANT ever uses a stretch limo!?) ASBO’s are a badge of honour as is the signing on book. A chav is not so much a lifestyle choice as a way of life but some of them can choose to try and leave it behind.
THE AGE OF SELF ENTITLEMENT
Sex and The City. Meism. Parent’s with 4X4’s who want there best for their kids not because private schools are necessarily better serviced but because they don’t want their kids to mix with chavs (because they might enjoy mixing with chavs), just in case they get chav diseases such as swine flu and sars and aids and them kind of things. I don't Julie Burchill was the first hack who wrote stuff as if she expected us to actually care about her life but you can't move for bloody coloumists in the weekend mags that come with the newspapers. I don't give a shit what Zoe Williams thinks about cyclists in London or what that Mary, Queen of Queens (or whatever she's bloody called) woman thinks about David Cameron no more than you give a shit what my views are on self-entitlement or meism. So because of wank TV shows, every knob and her one armed mother has a right to be famous. You don't have to be a generic singer, shag John Leslie or be a middling dancer anymore. Fame is a right. And everyone deserves what they get.
THE CELEBRATION OF THE STUPID
Jade Goody became in some respects a poster girl for the stupid and ignorant and the media loved her for it…actually they hated her for a while and took the piss but when enough arseholes hung around the Big Brother house in support of her, the media couldn’t help but fall for the minger. It was amusing to view the spineless arseholes who slagged her off practically forming a line around the block to eat her shit. But the stupid are all right. If you’re stupid you can have a career in radio and television, you can have your own youtube chanel where you can dance like an arse in your bedroom and unconvincingly lip sync to bad songs. You can even write a bitter blog, you can join a forum for people who like generic emo music, where you can encourage each other to self harm, you can create a show called Loose Women, where the only thing actually loose about it is what remains inside their skulls. You don’t need an education. You don’t have to be able to write to put out tediously forumulaic novels, you just have to have been in a soap or got you sex video online, shagging someone, or be the poor offspring of some daft Irish prick with a mediorce music or a wasted football career. You can even be the president of the United States because your fellow stoopid yanks will endorse you. If you’re stupid you will be trusted to run organisations that love bombing innocent people because you’re dumb enough to believe in something with no basis in fact or because your followers are too daft and backward looking to interpret ancient books and beliefs that profess to be about love. If you're too stupid out of laziness then get outta my face. If you've squandered your opps like fuckhead Doherty, then stay outta my way. I've no respect for you. Euthanasia is the best thing for you.
COMEDY BECAME UNFUNNY
I used to enjoy Little Britain. But after about three weeks I realised that I was getting the same jokes, the same punchlines and it wasn’t as funny. Then they made another series…and another one…all with the same forumula. And it became fairly hateful. That kind of sums up BBC/E4/ITV’s sense of humour this decade. It became less about quality control and more about milking it…and of course the dullards at home who had forgotten how it could be, didn’t know any different. That’s why Peter Kay is a success, it’s why people think Frankie Boyle has an acid like wit, why inoffensive Russell Howard gets his own show, why Michael McIntrye can sell out arenas. Britain’s brains haven’t had much excericise in the world of comedy. Like pretty much everything else in this decade it’s easier to get the quick watered down fix. Pointless watching Izzard, it’s too much to take in. And he's gone off the boil as well.
REALITY TV/BAD TV
Big Brother, The X-Factor, Doctor Who…I can’t go on…I’m tired. Just look at the parts I've written above. It's all related.BBC 3/ITV1 and 2. OK?
SOCIAL NETWORKING
Good or bad? As with everything once it's abused or infected with stupidity and dumb ass people using it to say how pissed they love getting, how great their lives are, when they're getting pissed up again, the best time they got pissed up, the evidence to prove that they got pissed up, then you kind of want to put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger.
BLAND MUSIC
2000 was really the birth of the likes of Jo Whiley championing mediocre music such as Coldplay and David Gray although I’d been initially suspicious when a year or so earlier she was acting like fucking Gomez were the saviour of British music. This continued with The fucking Hoosiers and Scouting For Girls or what we call 'comical indie'. 'Landfill indie' is soo 2007 and the kind of crap John Harris would come up with in his fashioned moody pose. How could popular British music really get better when the whole Britpop toss a few years earlier had been set as a laughable benchmark for quality. In 2010 things are still disappointing. Oasis are still inexplicably seen as relevant and the NME are still hyping anything slightly lo-fi, mock punk based and pretend angst ridden from the US. (Most of their recommendations don’t amount to much and yet they present themselves up as tastemakers) Mika's rubbish. Florence and the Machine has replaced the space left by Dido, surely. Even 'urban' music, which in the distant past (I'm talking the 1980s) which could be pioneering was rather dull. Sure you had some good moments from Dre, Eminem and Jay Z but this only spawned Timbaland-lite shit like the Black Eyed Fucking Peas! No hope there as well. Pop music? The demise of the charts, singles? Oh it all happened...not I think because of people's access to free music on the internet but because there was nothing worth buying in the charts! Anything decent either wasn't actually getting played on the radio or was shoved into niche programmes. We lost John Peel as well which is a big loss to anyone who actually cares about music.
LONDON/ NATHAN BARLEYS
The only people who actually love London are those with disposable incomes, who live in a stylish, secure area, hermetically sealed, go to daft parties, bars, restaurants and gallery’s without actually doing a real day to day job…but in the ‘noughties’ a term I still hate, London is still the centre of the universe. The dubious capitals of this London are Hoxton/Shoreditch and Primrose Hill. Now despite the TV show 'Nathan Barley' being a poor and disappointing effort, you do see Barly types bloody everywhere because they look ridiculous. In Manchester we have the morons in the 'Northern Quarter'. Far from the being the height of fashion, culture, music and urbanism, they look like transexual gypos, a parody of themselves. Everyone in this world has a haircut that would make Russell Brand blush. Presumably Russel Brand and Nick Grimshaw are worshipped as some kind of Barleyesque gods. They're harmless enough even if they look like clowns.
THE POLICE STATE
Are we there? I tried to change my bank account in 2002 and all I got, because I didn't have the exact information to the letter was 'ooh since 2001 everything's changed' as if I was supposed to react 'well that's understandable'. So what legacy has 2001 attacks on the US, the illegal War in Iraq left us with? I could be petty but the truth is actually petty. There's more redtape when you want to travel...all this ridiculous bollocks about what you can or you can't take. Even local councils abuse the anti-terrorism laws to penalised its tax payers for all kinds of stuff they never used to give a shit about...and I don't know if it's true, but I read about it the other day, some idiot has even had his tweet reported because he made a joke about bombing an airport because of the bad weather and he was collared and held by the cops (who knew full well he wasn't a terrorised and hadn't actually comitted a crime). So the web is being watched, keywords being flagged and we're being held accountable for semantics. The next ten years won't fare better, I fear.
POOR JOURNALISM AND ESSAYISTS
This decade, largely because it’s sense of ambition, execution and acceptance of things of any value were of such a low standard, also mirrored but continued a decline in journalism in so called ‘serious’ media. See Zoe Williams, Deborah Orr, Jan Moir, Quentin Letts. Peter Hitchens, Deborah Ross, Johann Hari, Peter Robinson, Conno McNichols, Tania Brannigan, Rod Liddel, Jess Cartner Morley, Aerial Leve. I know that they’ve had much of my bile this year but they can at least take comfort in that they are more well known than many, many other coloumists that deserve this accolade.
METROSEXUALITY
This was the decade where for about two minutes another pointless lifestyle trend was promoted. Basically men decided to have a wash (and stay closet crossdressers) So what? There was also a shit Channel 4 series with the same name as well. Really shit.
RECEIVED OPINIONS
Everyone was a national treasure in this decade. Big Brother and Eastenders is like Chekhov. Or so says received opinion. No.
For this ceremony I'm not going to bother with giving my awards names and who they will go to. I'll just get on with writing the names of everything that's been shit this year and giving my reasons. In their own way they are all winners of their worst awards possible for being complete wastes of lives and time. I'm unable to qualify it any more than that.
N-DUBZ
Take all the worst aspects of East 17 and Black Eyed Peas and you're likely to end up with an abomination such as this. In fact you wouldn't even have to take the worst aspects. And Mr Hudson who I thought had quite a OK song with 'White Lies' does himself no favours hanging round with arseholes. Maybe he must be an arsehole himself.
SWINE FLU PANIC
One of my pet hates is panic, moral panic usually but the kind of hysteria newspapers love to promote, the arseholes who take it all in. I hate people who panic buy, as you know IF YOU'VE EVER READ THIS FUCKING BLOG. The most fucked up thing about this type of panic is that some cunts have actually gone to the trouble of putting together a swine flu progress chart/map thingy you can access on BBC website and SKY news. No doubt I'll bet there are widgets and apps you can stick on your own website, just in case no-one is panicking enough about it. Yes, there have been a few deaths, yes it's unpleasant, but more people walk under a bus every week (probably to escape the fucking hystery) than actually die from Swine Flu every year. So don't panic. Don't panic. You musn't. You will die eventually. It may be worse than swine flu, it may be tortourous, drawn out, it may be a freak death, it may be an unjust one, it may be peaceful but it probably won't be from swine flu (Hope my death isn't an ironic one)
JAN MOIR
Break open a bottle of champers everyone! Jan Moir has died of dubious causes. Apparently a knife wound to her jugular. A bottle of Amyl Nitrate was discovered lodged up her fat arse. Hmm...I find nothing suspicious about this death knowing how many people she pissed off with her poor prose about gay popstars and her claims about shopping in Poundland without so much as a personal shopper. Let's have a moments silence as we consider all the wonderful things and very poor restaurant reviews. She leaves a handful of frothy mouthed middle cllass bigots, racists and serial rapists.
FRANKIE BOYLE MICHAL MCINNTYRE RUSSEL HOWARD DARA O BRIEN None of you are funny. Mock The Week isn't funny. Why bother? Just stop it off.
TWITTERATI
I have a twitter account. I have at the time of writing about 11 followers and I follow 19 people. My followers include Peter Wyngarde. Most of the time I have nothing to say so I don't say it. I don't have a clue how to get more followers, perhaps I should post more or tell more people or accept more spam, I'm not sure. What I am sure about is those who the media call the twiterati. These are a few people who have thousands or millions of followers and use this power to get people to sign peitions, complain or essentially just use to get them to watch their programmes, buy their books, records and DVD's. Twitter isn't a social networking site it's of course a tool of promotion. When the likes of Stephen Fry, who seems to post a million times a week, actually diminishing what it is I love about him, bangs on about twitter being great because if you get stuck somewhere or need information tons of people will instantly reply to you, this is all very well if you're popular and have fame. If you're a loser like me, which a lot of us are, this information is a fat lot of use, and it just grates, and it reinforces the idea that some of these celebrities are part of one big protective clique that normal people aren't allowed to enter. I still don't know what Twitter is for.
GIRLS CAN'T CATCH
Yes, with every passing month another manufactured girl band pops up and inevitably are hyped for five minutes, usually by all the queens on Popjustice forum. That's all very well if they are any good, or if the pop songs are actually enjoyable. But like Mini Vida Girls Can't Catch are just another big disappointment and they look so plain. (Nothing wrong with plain girls, they are often more shaggable than fashioned women but for heaven's sake stop acting like you're god's gift when you look like skanky girls as featured in those text dating adverts)
LILY ALLEN
Keith Allen's daughter made a bit of a dick of herself this year when she whined on about illegal filesharing, totally missing the point that she had done it herself, and that she plagerised someone else's blog post. She attempted to start a debate on a new blog which wasn't actually a debate more of a forum for her showbiz chums like James Blunt to write open letters to the forum saying how their livelihoods had suffered boo hoo when in fact they offered no evidence to suggest that the low downloads of their material made a difference to their poorly received products. When the trade against Ms Allen became too much, too sophisticated and too abusive to respond to, totally emphaising how out of touch she was, she shut up shop and went home with her tail bewteen her legs. The fact that she held up Lord Mandelson as some beacon of light was laughable given that he's had to resign twice because of dodgy dealings. Way to go, Lily. Next time you open your gob, do us all a favour love and think for a second.
KATY BRAND
Yet again this unfunny woman comes up. Lazy comedy, wide of the mark pop pastiches, SUB ITV 2 humour.
GEORGE LAMB
We still hate you, Master Lamb. We truly do.
NICK GRIMSHAW
Indicative of what's wrong with Radio, and new media in general. You're not zany, happening and on the cutting edge, you're a despised, untalented foppish haired fucker who does fuck all to promote decent new music. Fuck off! If they cloned you and made you into a boy band it would look like this
