Oh hello! Hasn't it been a while, eh? I'm not talking 'bout me. I'm talking about the last time any of us fuckers heard a new Revolving Heads long player...um revolve. Now I'm sure there's some of you bastards out there who might not remember this genre defying band because you weren't born. Here's a potted history.
They formed in 1994 on the back of the 658 Wigan-Leigh bus service, post Stone Roses and filled the gap that was missing in modern pop music that should have been filled by John Squires and Steve Coogan's brother who was in that show Families. And boy did they challenge the music scene by making music in their own terms. Eventually this all imploded in 1998 when the and had a fight with The Beta Band on Primrose Hill and Fadge got twatted. Add to that Fadge going missing in 2001, after popping out for a Mars Bar and a copy of the Daily Telegraph, and recently being declared murdered, now is a good time as any to revisit his lost lyrics.
'Put it this way, Oasis are still fucking shit and Chinese Democracy was a 17 year let down. And Kurt Cobain was always a disappointment,' reckons Beagle 2 (an actual Beagle hound), their new manager.
So what does the new album sound like? And what of Fadge's lyrics? Lyrically it's a Nostradamus affair. 'Fadge foresaw the iPhone, Spotify, twitter, Sky Sports News and the resolution to Lost!' laughs the new band mate, Fox Tavern. Celebrity fans of the Revolving Heads include, Bobby Wilson, Luke Haines, Cut Copy, Boards of Canada, Keith Baron and Jonathan King. Having just listened to the new album on infra red 3D headphones travelling to and from Wigan on the 658 service, passing the stop, Barry Westhead used to alight after a day doing his Light Foundation in BTEC music, I can see you're in for a mixed bag of sweets. Here goes:
1. Six Not Sex, Jason
This one's as morbid as finding Maddie, only to discover that its a lost demo of a bearded Jim Morrison, in disguise as Richard Archer. It's a nervous, unpleasant start to the album. Features the line 'That sick pet duck/will be the dearth of me'
2.I Saw Thatcher Have a Fall
Although it's fashionable to write an anti-Thatcher record this track celebrates the fixation some have for seeing leggy women, tripping up, and being in distress. Features a funky James Brown drummer beat and the lyrics 'Get up! Shut up! Geet outta ma piss!'
3. Stringer Bell Has Peter Serafinowicz's Eyes
A kind of Betty Davies eyes for the 90s. This is a shit track but it represents how great Oasis could have been had they been brought up in Germany in the 70s, watched 'The Legend of Tim Tyler', listened to Neu! and been as gay as houses. Features the lyric 'I'm not your spack.'
4. Short Back And Sides
This one's obviously about Jade Goody, Features the manager, Beagle 2, barking and singing 'This one's about Jade Goody.'
5. Kevin Bacon Had a Funny Smile in 'The River Wild.'
A Boards of Canada-esque instrumental that lasts for 6 minutes. It's a charming but discordant samba number, a bit like a bestial Gotan Project/Friendly Fires project that would make Nick Grimshaw immediately want to add you to his list of cool friends.
6. God Hates Fags
This track features a duet with electroclash queen, Miss Kitten. A really chic, slice of French meets New York electro disco gloss, that would makes all the queens in Queens, queeny with envy.
7. I Want Jew
Remember that old Utah Saints track that went 'I want you-ooh-ooh-uh-ooh-uh-ooh'? Well it's like that.
8. Heavy Metal Robot
Yes, it's a cover version. Heaven knows why.
9. I've Scored!
This chunk of genius rock was inspired by the French football shirt that Maxine Carr wore during that whole dead girls spot of bother in Soham. This shimmering track is a beautiful love song, the kind which really captures the feeling where you wake up on a bright and light breezy day, where the air is fresh, there's no bills and death threats on the doormat, the flat's clean, you've just been paid, your novel's been accepted, there's a new car in the car port, Adam and Joe have just made you laugh, that girl you like will probably be in the pub later on hanging on to your every word and witticism, life is good, no-one is dying today, but for some reason you can't explain why, this track ends up sounding like 'Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime' performed by Delphic.
10. Adrien Brody's Big German General's Jacket
This number is very much like the fear of being shot at by Russians. At first you feel warm, secure and protected in your shell, your fingertips dipped in jam, then at about three minutes in, you're in the cold, being accused of being a German and they're shooting at you. 'I accuse you/I abuse you/I'm not your sympathiser/Your Nazi synthesiser!' Sounds quite Scooterish. Stand out track of the album. The best track of 2009-2011.
11. Please be reasonable...and clean these lenses
Another one of Fadge Nostradamus tracks. It's the sonic eqivalent of Michael Douglas's cracked lenses in 'Falling Down', it's the image of the future, not as a boot stamping on a head but a bespectacled dead icon, insulting a rich beautiful Indian model on a reality TV show, with the fearful, doom-laden mantra 'Good for you! Good for you!' ringing out forever more. Our subserviance to this album and to our plight is absolute.
