N-DUBZ
Take all the worst aspects of East 17 and Black Eyed Peas and you're likely to end up with an abomination such as this. In fact you wouldn't even have to take the worst aspects. And Mr Hudson who I thought had quite a OK song with 'White Lies' does himself no favours hanging round with arseholes. Maybe he must be an arsehole himself.
One of my pet hates is panic, moral panic usually but the kind of hysteria newspapers love to promote, the arseholes who take it all in. I hate people who panic buy, as you know IF YOU'VE EVER READ THIS FUCKING BLOG. The most fucked up thing about this type of panic is that some cunts have actually gone to the trouble of putting together a swine flu progress chart/map thingy you can access on BBC website and SKY news. No doubt I'll bet there are widgets and apps you can stick on your own website, just in case no-one is panicking enough about it. Yes, there have been a few deaths, yes it's unpleasant, but more people walk under a bus every week (probably to escape the fucking hystery) than actually die from Swine Flu every year. So don't panic. Don't panic. You musn't. You will die eventually. It may be worse than swine flu, it may be tortourous, drawn out, it may be a freak death, it may be an unjust one, it may be peaceful but it probably won't be from swine flu (Hope my death isn't an ironic one)
JAN MOIR
Break open a bottle of champers everyone! Jan Moir has died of dubious causes. Apparently a knife wound to her jugular. A bottle of Amyl Nitrate was discovered lodged up her fat arse. Hmm...I find nothing suspicious about this death knowing how many people she pissed off with her poor prose about gay popstars and her claims about shopping in Poundland without so much as a personal shopper. Let's have a moments silence as we consider all the wonderful things and very poor restaurant reviews. She leaves a handful of frothy mouthed middle cllass bigots, racists and serial rapists.
FRANKIE BOYLE MICHAL MCINNTYRE RUSSEL HOWARD DARA O BRIEN None of you are funny. Mock The Week isn't funny. Why bother? Just stop it off.
TWITTERATI
I have a twitter account. I have at the time of writing about 11 followers and I follow 19 people. My followers include Peter Wyngarde. Most of the time I have nothing to say so I don't say it. I don't have a clue how to get more followers, perhaps I should post more or tell more people or accept more spam, I'm not sure. What I am sure about is those who the media call the twiterati. These are a few people who have thousands or millions of followers and use this power to get people to sign peitions, complain or essentially just use to get them to watch their programmes, buy their books, records and DVD's. Twitter isn't a social networking site it's of course a tool of promotion. When the likes of Stephen Fry, who seems to post a million times a week, actually diminishing what it is I love about him, bangs on about twitter being great because if you get stuck somewhere or need information tons of people will instantly reply to you, this is all very well if you're popular and have fame. If you're a loser like me, which a lot of us are, this information is a fat lot of use, and it just grates, and it reinforces the idea that some of these celebrities are part of one big protective clique that normal people aren't allowed to enter. I still don't know what Twitter is for.
GIRLS CAN'T CATCH
Yes, with every passing month another manufactured girl band pops up and inevitably are hyped for five minutes, usually by all the queens on Popjustice forum. That's all very well if they are any good, or if the pop songs are actually enjoyable. But like Mini Vida Girls Can't Catch are just another big disappointment and they look so plain. (Nothing wrong with plain girls, they are often more shaggable than fashioned women but for heaven's sake stop acting like you're god's gift when you look like skanky girls as featured in those text dating adverts)
LILY ALLEN
Keith Allen's daughter made a bit of a dick of herself this year when she whined on about illegal filesharing, totally missing the point that she had done it herself, and that she plagerised someone else's blog post. She attempted to start a debate on a new blog which wasn't actually a debate more of a forum for her showbiz chums like James Blunt to write open letters to the forum saying how their livelihoods had suffered boo hoo when in fact they offered no evidence to suggest that the low downloads of their material made a difference to their poorly received products. When the trade against Ms Allen became too much, too sophisticated and too abusive to respond to, totally emphaising how out of touch she was, she shut up shop and went home with her tail bewteen her legs. The fact that she held up Lord Mandelson as some beacon of light was laughable given that he's had to resign twice because of dodgy dealings. Way to go, Lily. Next time you open your gob, do us all a favour love and think for a second.
KATY BRAND
Yet again this unfunny woman comes up. Lazy comedy, wide of the mark pop pastiches, SUB ITV 2 humour.
GEORGE LAMB
We still hate you, Master Lamb. We truly do.
NICK GRIMSHAW
Indicative of what's wrong with Radio, and new media in general. You're not zany, happening and on the cutting edge, you're a despised, untalented foppish haired fucker who does fuck all to promote decent new music. Fuck off! If they cloned you and made you into a boy band it would look like this
No comments:
Post a Comment