Ghost of a chance

This woman is laughable. Having had the misfortune to see 'The Ghost Whisperer' which we know is addictively shit, it appears that Jennifer Love-Hewitt is apparently relaunching her country and western music career. WHAT CAREER? If this is the case, it's wrong on about three levels.

Level 1-It's country and western music.
Level 2-Who the 'eck has heard of her previous music career?
Level 3-It's not just country and western music. It's country and western music made by Jennifer Love-Hewitt, the same Jennifer Love-Hewitt who is in a mediocre, 'spiritualist' programme called 'The Ghost Whisperer.

Still not convinced? Just in case you never had an inkling that Jennifer Love-Hewitt is the anti-christ, she plays a self-obsessed character called Melinda who can see and communicate with dead people. In the show her pisshead mother thinks she's an attention seeking bitch and resents her for it. From the goodness of her heart, our Melinda basically helps these sad dead fuckers put their past lives back together, reconcile with their families before they go to the 'light'. Yes, the assumption is that there is a heaven, obviously and everyone in this small, white middle class town , especially young people are dying every week. There's more casualties in this place than Iraq! The bitch even has a day job (at a place called 'Same As It Never Was') that she hardly has to go to, selling crap and junk. Not sure if it's supposed to be antique or what, but it's all tacky. So yeah, week in, week out she pretty much interferes with everything, but because Jennifer Love-Hewitt is the executive producer and she is better than anyone in the world, her profound character not only has screen time in every scene, but even plays a teenage version of herself during one flashback when it could have been played by a teen actress. Oh and every week there are always tears in the eyes of the actors, and everyone is soooo emotional. I can imagine some bland suburban family weeping buckets of crocodile tears. It's hateful stuff.

Basically Love-Hewitt and Melinda are both phoneys!

The New Bland

Just stopping by to say...what exactly? No more than everyone else saying something a billion times a second all over the world via twitter, facebook and on whatever blog they're signed up to. I can't compete with so much importance, so much gossip and information. It's really good knowing every one's unsolicited opinion about High School Musical actors, Bruno and cheese sandwiches.

Truth be told I haven't had much to say about anything recently. Nothing that my brain isn't too numb to motivate me to put finger to key and translate those thoughts. Things are so stale, our critical words and put downs so banal and pointless that, unless you have a smudge of power, a significant audience, some weight, some influence you might as well burn yourself alive in Trafalgar square, after handing out leaflets just with the words 'I'n not him,' scribbled on with a stolen marker.

Bland is the new exciting. Well...it has been since 1998 hasn't it? You may not have noticed that I'm on twitter when I can be bothered, although I'm at a loss to explain what the fuss is about, especially when I only have 8 followers. It's all very well, dear Stephen Fry saying how amazing and intriguing it is, and how helpful people are when he has thousands of followers hanging on to his every word, and practically come up with any old shite with which to get his attention, knowing that they'll always be Alan Davies, the followers. So I'm glad twitter is working for Fry and he can share all the banalities of programme making and hotel staying. Good for you. But while I'm being amused I'll stay on for now.

Speaking of Blandness...how should we be reacting to the news of James Purnell, Caroline Flint, Hazel Blears, and Labour in general? Are they on the ropes? Does anyone outside of Westminster's gay village actually give two sheets of paper about the thieving cunts? Perspective please! I don't frothing loathe Hazel Blears because she looks like a rabid terrier or because she's a mediorce politician, but because she's full of dog shit. It's not personal, love. As for Purnell, Burnham, and the Millibands, they're just so bland and out of it. How they expect anyone to be able to relate to them who isn't already dribbling and brain dead, I'll never know. But very soon they won't be in government and we can open the champagne. OK, I don't think I'll hate anyone from the Labour party as much as Ed Balls but that would be a big ask.

Now Caroline Flint. Roar! Judging from your performances on Question Time, if you're not window dressing, then what are you? How else is one supposed to get his kicks if it's not from your body? Seriously.

What other bland things have been happening to me recently? Well, Eurovision was the blandest I've seen for about ten years and anyone who disagrees is just wrong...and gay. So yeah, guess it's time to reinvent the wheel with this blog. Again. Not sure what my remit was or if it's relevant anymore so we'll see how it goes. Until I can come up with some good answers I may hand over to my good friend's Philip Oakey for a new series of blogs and BBC weatherman Daniel Corbett for his 'The Hype' feature. Probably. OK. Yeah. No. Alright then. Oh yeah. Apparently 'Replika', that book all about me is now available on Amazon.com for a fantastic price. Go get it.