Friday, September 21, 2007

Ten Years Naked

There's something wrong in this country when we allow style and improvement programmes who take their lead from tacky glossies and dubious fashion events dictate the way we eat, look, dress, undress, parent, decorate, spend money and rip off house buyers. Of course I, as so many before me, have made our views known on this subject and met with a wall of vacant silence. 'So why write a bitter piece which is five years out of date?' Er... because god made me do it, guv!

What is particularly hateful about hiring Gok Wan and according to Channel 4 the 'cool and collected' Miss Nicky Hambleton-Jones (who by the way looks at least in her late 40s. Maybe she's actually 58. Result!) is that some sadistic fuckers have looked at these new media reprobates, their lack of style and thought, 'Cool. Let's give them a series! Let's show the dumpy, frumpy public how to look good,' and then go and get it spectacularly wrong...everytime. Believe me in the media it is who you know if you want to get on. I've been there and back. I'm not adverse to confidence boosting makeovers or shopping jaunts but please spare me the condescending tone from so called experts who leave much to be desired. Mica Paris is no great example as well. She could probably scratch living for some poor souls as a BBW prostitute, or rather a BW.

But going back to 10 Years Younger there's a very naive and patronising notion where when selecting garments and accessories these Hambleton types base their decisions on the fact that just because the air-headed OK magazine wearing anorexics are being seen with them, such as beach bags for example, or that Ana Mantronic has supposedly made red hair fashionable, then these are decent, stylish measuring sticks. Honestly, it's all rather loathsome! I'd be highly dubious of anyone who takes their lead from WAG-inspired glossies. Maybe if it was a programme called 'How To fuck Up Your Life', or 'How To Become Dependent on Class A Drugs', or 'How To Look Like a Complete Laughable Fuckwitt in Public With your Faux Mrs Beckham Postboxed Mouth Posturing' then you'd have a reasonable point.

'Well if you don't like it, don't watch it...ner ner ner...' defenders of this shite might well say. 'I love it. It's car crash tele. It's harmless bit of fun!' Well, so is strangling IT girls but I wouldn't necessarily want to watch it on TV. Actually...

As for Gok Wan, you may wonder why he doesn't go naked. But let's be fair, fully clothed he still looks like the plastic surgery went very wrong following a train wreck. It's all very sad.

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