Best Before: December 39th 2005: The Ronsons: A fairytale that never was

Saturday, September 08, 2007

The Ronsons: A fairytale that never was

I never told this anyone before but it's true. In the mid 90s, before I met Fritz, I used to be in a band called 'The Ronsons'. We were basically a crappy covers act doing what we thought were quirky, jazzy, cover versions of ska/post punk and new wave. Our look was a punky meeting between Edwardian and Victorian, with a touch of neo gothic thrown in...mixing it up...and everytime we spoke to anyone in this guise we'd always say 'yeah' at the end of every sentence.

We thought we were so cool and post modern. I'm positive George Lamb would have loved us. We were working on an album that would change the world, full of covers of 'yeah, yeah' pop, 70s disco, Manchester indie...but keeping it ever so LDN real. Record companies told us we were shit and our style and image would never work. Of course one of the members Mark left, made a really shitty annoying version of a Radiohead song and made an album of awful, awful covers with some dreadful people. (He couldn't sing then either) And currently George Lamb and every LDN record exec are spunking over him and his coke headed mates.

It's a funny old world.

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Things That Are Marginally Hateful

Balls of Steel. It's a shit show, an outdated concept and E4 cunts will never understand that just because it's soo unfunny and empty it doesn't mean that its critics don't have girlfriends or a sense of humour or both
Fuckers who unnecesarily panic buy, such as bread at Christmas or petrol when there's a hint of a price rise or fucking anything the selfish twats. It really gets my goat.
Television news media that use popular culture references as a metaphor to explain complex financial or political issues. Normally two years out of date. Weak.
George Lamb. He's a cunt. Looks like one, walks like one and talks like one.
People who insincerely waft their faces as if they are so overcome with emotion that it would actually stop them bursting into tears. If you do this you look like a jerk.
Apologists in the media who claim they are giving people what they want when actually they are transparently creating the need. Drug pushers often make the same argument.
Comedians who assume that relating a mediorce joke loud enough will justify even louder laughter when there's a part of the audience dying of embarassment
People who often use the term 'national treasure' when it is neither true, relevant, meaningful or actually an original description
The voice of Russell T. Davies
That thing that Tom Smith of The Editors does with his arms whenever he's onstage singing, as if he's trying to craft some 'lost in the moment' spasms in the hope it will make him appear sensitive like Chris Martin or Thom Yorke but in fact comes across as a disturbed Nick Heyward tribute act.
Those suspicious types who like to proclaim soap operas and reality TV shows on the same par of Chekhov or Shakespeare