Best Before: December 39th 2005: Best Before- Christmas Ennui

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Best Before- Christmas Ennui

This year's christmas special has come early. To celebrate there will be no long winded slating of everything that's hateful about the season and how we've nothing to celebrate, or how I want to stab everyone to death involved with the M&S Christmas adverts, how it comes earlier every year, how totally and how it all, including the shops playing carols 5 weeks early leaves me with a feeling of ennui, so I'll leave you with a repeat of Some Mother Do 'Ave 'em I saw a few years ago. There you go. If that ain't goodwill I don't know what is.

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Things That Are Marginally Hateful

Balls of Steel. It's a shit show, an outdated concept and E4 cunts will never understand that just because it's soo unfunny and empty it doesn't mean that its critics don't have girlfriends or a sense of humour or both
Fuckers who unnecesarily panic buy, such as bread at Christmas or petrol when there's a hint of a price rise or fucking anything the selfish twats. It really gets my goat.
Television news media that use popular culture references as a metaphor to explain complex financial or political issues. Normally two years out of date. Weak.
George Lamb. He's a cunt. Looks like one, walks like one and talks like one.
People who insincerely waft their faces as if they are so overcome with emotion that it would actually stop them bursting into tears. If you do this you look like a jerk.
Apologists in the media who claim they are giving people what they want when actually they are transparently creating the need. Drug pushers often make the same argument.
Comedians who assume that relating a mediorce joke loud enough will justify even louder laughter when there's a part of the audience dying of embarassment
People who often use the term 'national treasure' when it is neither true, relevant, meaningful or actually an original description
The voice of Russell T. Davies
That thing that Tom Smith of The Editors does with his arms whenever he's onstage singing, as if he's trying to craft some 'lost in the moment' spasms in the hope it will make him appear sensitive like Chris Martin or Thom Yorke but in fact comes across as a disturbed Nick Heyward tribute act.
Those suspicious types who like to proclaim soap operas and reality TV shows on the same par of Chekhov or Shakespeare