You probably know me as the lead singer of the popular synth pop/new wave/post punk band known as The Human League. In my new regular column I hope to be giving all kinds of advice from how to get ahead in the world of pop music, cookery ideas, sorting out your love life and dealing with your computer problems.
Before I give you an introduction on how to put a match to the charts and watch it burn to the sound of your crowd let me tell you a bit more about me. I love pop music, I do. I live and breathe pop music. And I love technology. I won't even think of starting the day and getting out of bed unless I've had a good dollop of mp3s on toast. Then I get on the bus with me iPod and nod ma yed to some right good playlists I've compiled, like 'Music to Wait For The Bus To' or the classic, 'To Imagine What It's Like Not To Be Me.' When I'm not bathing in pop music, having sex to it, or making it, I love going into Leeds once a fortnight and getting me mix CD's and Doctor Who DVD's. In the late 70s, early 80s I used to knock about with local lad John Foxx. I bumped into him the other day as a matter of fact. We shared a pint and a joke as we recalled the time we talked about forming an Ultravoxx/Human League spin off project but couldn't agree on the name. My camp wanted John League and Foxxy wanted Human Foxx. It almost came to blows, so we decided to leave it, and made up with a packet of biscuits and Yorkshire tea. Shame, we could have made a couple of top selling discs.
You don't need me to tell you how shit the charts are as you must be aware. I mean, come on, who the fuck are the Arctic Rolls?! Back in the 80s synth pop and new wave dominated the charts like Nazi Germany. It wasn't unsual for a top ten to feature OMD, Kraftwerk, Soft Cell, Japan, Ultravoxx, and us of course...often at the same time. Many people say 'well your music is cold. People want fun and good times. They don't want to think. Thinking is for boring people'. Of course this is bollocks but you try living under Thatcher's iron fist. She practically did her best to club all the thought out of our tiny Northern minds in those days. But I don't want to get political here, the bloke who keeps this site is already doing a job of buggering that up already! But there will be a change and in anticipation of this I thought I'd use the wealth of my experience in this shit business in helping you carve a career in proper pop music or Propop, as I have just decided to call it right this minute. Let me finish me pie and I'll carry on...
Right I've had me pie now, let's crack on...
ATTITUDE/IMAGE
When I stepped out to perform 'Don't you want me?' on Top of The Pops in 1981 I became the central hard done by character in the song. People think it was autobiographical but that was rubbish. Same goes for the girls. People ask me 'Phil, are they really that bored and slaggy in real life?' They're lovely. Trust me. I took loads of leads, mainly from Bowie and Diana Ross, on how to build an aura around my stage presence. Even though I have respect for bands like Abba, we didn't DARE smile or show much emotion. Let your audience fill in the blanks. You can still be a popstar without acting the goat and pretending life is all flowery, about cars, champagne and girls. Cars kill people and cause injury, brain damage and disfigurement. Flowers can cause allergies. Champagne can lead to binge drinking. You see what I'm saying? Appearences can be deceptive, but start with some sense of realism. And don't make the mistake that Sting once made when he went on stage with half a packet of Bovril flavoured crisps. Those kind of errors tend to leave a bad taste in the mouth, take my word for it.
It's like in interviews, you don't have to be polite if you don't feel like it. If you've got nothing intelligent to say or your opinions are a bit simple just keep your mouth shut. Believe me people will love you for it. They'll think you're mysterious and intelligent. If you are a brain box then keep it to yersel'! Educate your fans without giving yerself away. Reference Lynch, Kubrick, Goddard, Fellini, reference, Burroughs, Ballard, Dick, reference Bacon, Dali, Escher, Rothko, reference Stokhausen, Cage, Throbbing Gristle and the rest of it without saying owt...but also add a few popular culture references to show that you haven't lost touch with the general public. Check out my song, 'These Are The Things That Dreams Are Made Of.' It's a knockabout song about the simple pleasures in life. Smashing. It's always fun to speak in metaphor or give glib answers. I've always wanted to go into interviews imaging how Samual Beckett would answer questions. If you can do this without giving too much information about yourself than a successful career in pop or politics is only months away.
There is a lot to be said for the phrase 'Too much information.' I'm always saying it. For example-
Fan. Hey Phil you're looking a bit rough.
Me. Too much information.
Fan. I'm a bit rough mesel'...my stomach's playin' up!
Me. Too much information.
Fan. Oh yeah...haven't told yer...our Maureen's had her baby, it's-
Me. Too much information!
Pop stars should also look like popstars. And some of them, to some extent, do, but a new wave artist should look more glamourous and sexy like the character Pris from 'Blade Runner'. Or Davros. But a lot of artists nowadays look so ordinary that you could take them home to steal a couple of quid off your mother after she's just had the courtesy to offer you a couple of Mr Kipling cakes and tea. A popstar shouldn't look like they could blend in at Starbucks or in a queue at the cinema for the latest US Romcom. Like I used to, they should look otherworldy, or like Bowie (again), as if he's come from Mars, if Mars were able to support some form of human life. It's all so safe and sugary these days. Everyone wants to look like a 12 year old. Take Rhianna or Girls Aloud or even My Chemical Romance? Can you imagine sleeping with them? It'd be like taking the virginity of a nun, by force. You want a kind of anti-glamour of someone who looks as if they've beent through it (without the mankiness of Doherty), they have a brain which means imaginaiton and creativity, which means that they are likely to fulfill the dark recesses of your twisted sexuality. Just ask yourself who would you rather lose your virginity to? Someone like Kate Bush, Alison Goldfrapp, Shirley Mansun, Siouxsie Sioux. Or someone like Carol Vorderman? Dying your hair black, wearing a black t-shirt with a retro/ironic slogan, black eyeliner, lipstick, boots and fishnets isn't a passport unless you can back it up with the noggin. Not in my book, pals. You can go round Sheffield or any town today and see these goth/emo kids and I just point and say 'TTH' which means Trying Too Hard. Because they do. Develop your own look and your own ideas. When I wrote 'The Sound of the Crowd' it was about being part of a clique that no-one else cared about. These days cliques are the mainstream, drowned by mediocre sub-Nirvana's, sub-Green Day's, sub-Smashing Pumkins and the like. If you want to use an influence use the orginal sources rather than the photocopies, because every generation loses something when constantly reproduced. Just think of it like this. Would you rather eat a decent Yorkshire pudding or a photocopy of it? Because it's the same difference, I don't care what you say. Mix it up, mess around with people's expectations. But be subtle. Look at the artwork and imagery that surround 'Client'. Compare the subtle use of leg fetishism, without all these not so subtle sexism of pop videos about jocks and shaking fat arses for the grotesque hip hoppers with all the bling. You could look at these vile videos as empowerment but to me these patronising showreels are a retarded view of the world, and it disappoints me. It sickens me actually. Which leads me to...
ORIGINALITY
I was watching The Hits the other night and this song comes on by Sean Kingston. I tell you, I couldn't finish my pie. It put me right off it. How you can rape a song like Stand By Me is beyond me, and while I'm not adverse to sampling in music, I have to say that this fella needs to go before The Hague and answer to charges against crimes against humanity. His voice alone is enough to inspire murder. But isn't all this, the sound, the boring lyrics and the vocals all just part of this trend for true clean cut, easy listening these days? All the lasses sound the same. They want to warble like Alicia Keys, that lass out of Sugababes, and Mariah Carey. The lads want to affect Irish whines like that Fall Out Boy and Green Day (them again). They get it off each other, off TV, off talent shows.
I had me own voice, so did Mark E. Smith, Jarvis Cocker, Andy Bell, Marc Alond, loads of us. You might have not liked each one but it was part of the character of the band. If you're thinking of forming a band because you want to sound just like someone else, with the same lyrics, style and themes then give up now if you want to achieve credibility. Kraftwerk may have sung about calculators and robots but at least its placed them in the position of being one of the most influencial bands of all fucking time. Don't get me wrong, I love the acts who like to redefine their influences like Client, Goldfrapp, Ladytron and Fischerspooner but apart from me Mix CDs I listen to experimental music. I've got this interesting CD called 'Conversations With Rice and Coulter' by The Digestive System and for 70 minutes it features nowt but the sound of vomiting. Very thought provoking.
I think that's about it for now. You've got a chance to succeed in this climate of conservative music. Educate yersel'! Decent stuff. Think for yersel'! Get out there and explore, read, live...do the opposite to your mates and what the TV tells yer! Don't think about being cool. Cool people don't tell you you're cool. Work it out for yersel'!
'We'll always be together'
x
Phil
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