Sudan Impact

200.000 teachers marched across Europe yesterday to demand that Sudan be given 80 lashes after it emerged that President Omar Hasan Ahmad al-Bashir named his teapot 'Jesus Blood'. 'Death to those who insult our teddy bear teapots!' exclaimed one red-faced activist from the teaching union, NUT, yesterday.

Irish Blood On The Carpet

In other news, following NME's interview earlier this week in which they pretended to take the moral high ground over Morrissey's non-racist views about a nostalgic, romantic view of Britain that only existed in 1960's kitchen sink dramas, the NME has come under fire from me, Smirnov Kool. Writing on my own blog this afternoon, I said, 'The NME have a nerve. Not only do they continue to promote the blandest, conservative acts known to man behind their Londoncentric mockney, trans-atlantic 3D glasses, but isn't this the same magazine that constantly fails to be more international? Isn't this the rag that forever runs polls, lists and features on white, English, guitar driven artists, some of who have views for more offensive than Morrissey? The NME in the last 7 years have committed more moral crimes than Morrissey ever did. I wouldn't mind if they were decent journalists or had something new and fresh to say. It's no wonder our kids are shanking and shooting each others faces off when the other alternatives involve spending time reading about and watching Jamie T(wat), Kate Nash (Dido for kids), Thomas Tantrum, Lily Allen and the infestation of boring and inoffensive cunts.'

Brand Normal

And finally, the Dawn French wannabe, Katy Brand was recovering last night after discovering that her pamphlet of carefully fashioned catchphrases went missing in Whetherspoons. Brand, no relation to archaic Russell, who still has to shoot to fame for her hilarious portrayal of Kate Winslett in her BBC 3 comedy, 'Katy's Fat Anus' as a 'normal' person ad nauseum, long after we've got the joke, is said to be in a state of shock. The rumours of her offering anal sex as a reward are untrue. Lucas and Walliams were unavailable for comment. This recent news comes only hours after it was discovered that Peter Kay has been dead for the past three years, hence the endless DVD reissues.

I've been updating some of the old posts with lovely videos and stuff. Please take some time to work through them. Included are videos from Kate Bush, Goldfrapp, Sparks and Desireless. All better than a pot of cold piss.