SYou know what I'm talking about. For those of you who don't here are some examples to refresh your memories ;
* The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off
* The Woman Who Gave Birth To Her Sister
* ASBO Babies (a spin off from ASBO Pensioners)
* 4x4 Timebombers
* The Boy Whose Brain Grew Out Of His Arse
* Help, My Son Is a Spoilt Attention Seeker Who I Believe Has ESP. I'm Really That Weak, Insecure And Gullible
* The Laughing Rapist-A profile of Roger The Clown
* The Woman Whose Teeth Exploded One Saturday in Marks and Spencer
* Diary of an STD Addict
* The Pissed and The Serious: The Story of the Mini Motorbike and the Knobs That Ride Them
For some time I've been explaining how we are fucked as a society in many different ways. It goes without saying that politics and religion fucks us up the most, with all its feeble promises and hypocrisy, but they have formidable allies in society and in the media. And you know when television is desperate when you have to force interest and sensationalism on subjects that are nothing more than Circus freakshows. 'It's water cooler TV!' critics and execs often say, as they strive for 'water cooler moments'. Let me tell you something now. Anyone, anyone who uses the term 'water cooler television' or 'water cooler TV' (god I can't stand to type it) is a TWAT. A hateful twat. They are the same kind of pricks who think society exists in some kind of big fuck off office. Imagine that. Hell on Earth. Like the world of Television Executives, their lives revolve around actioning, piloting, targeting and agendas. Anyone would think that they work in the Ministry of Defense. Water cooler moments! That doesn't make the product any more profound in this day of fragmented culture. Fuck me, Ken Bigley's beheading over the internet was arguably a WCM- that doesn't make the act, and the arseholes who take pleasure in gossiping about it any less shitty and depressing. Fuck off! If WCMs is just another by product of more inane, mediorce, shite programmes and related products that wouldn't go anywhere near any boundaries, then shoot yourselves in the head right now (Now THAT would be a WCM!)
Where was I? Yeah, apart the one 'documentary' on my list above, that is genuinely interesting, moving and educational, like the insensitively titled The Boys Whose Skin Fell Off, there seems to be a culture of what I call Lowest Common Denominator television, which obviously spans across the expanse of the medium, typified from reality TV, Quiz phone ins, gaming, etc.
These docs may fall under the umbrella of 'Human Interest' but the absence of millions upon millions of viewers who'd rather watch other mediorce programmes, or do anything to avoid this shit tells us that there really isn't much of an interest in humans, not when this 'interest' is pushed, and any humanity has been wrung out of the final edit, so the end result is often a cold, detached, insincere summary. Even the less cynical producers and directors might be as subtle as a tank drenched in poison when they sign post emotions, linger on tearful faces, and edit it to resemble an episode of Emmerdale.
The simple reason for this is that these programmes are shit. Executives and producers think that intended/target/ the vast majority of audiences in fact are dole scum. It's true. I could name names of the arseholes who have either implied or outrightly said as much in the past. But the inescapable truth that is being made obvious and is clear for all to see is that execs, commissioning editors and producers have NO DRIVE, NO VISION, NO TALENT, NO IMAGINATION and no desire to make riveting documentaries, dramas and comedy programmes. For every rare gem there are about 1000 tacky Argoslite cheap pieces of crap. This responsibility seems to fall to mavericks, independent directors and producers, 'media terrorists' who are quite rightly unconcerned by manufactured trends, budgets and what not. Thank heavens for them or we'd be 100% fucked instead of 90% screwed.
And for those of you bored soppy gits who love talking about shit things, why not entertain your freakshow car crash tendacies and see how many alternative sensationalist titles you can come up with for imaginary documentaries. Go on...show the execs that any old scumbag and made for TV directors/producers can devise an idea for the great unwashed and socially bewildered. I know I could do better. I may come across as a bitter queen with an axe to grind but TV does smuggery and self-indulgence much better than I can envisage. They don't take risks though. Even Channel 4's forthcoming 'wankathon'. It's not risky. A few nasty moaning letters in the Daily Mail is hardly controversial these days. The show is yet another daft, cynical excerise in ultimate self-indulgence. If you want to imagine an image of the future just think of a fat man in an expensive suit, a bulging shirt and a sweaty forehead, masturbating and crying, masturbating and crying...
MINI MOTORS
I'm glad these mini motorbikes are being crushed. Not because they are noisy or they are anti-social but for the sole reason that the plebs who ride them look so dorky and pathetic with their legs sticking out. It's just a shame that these modern day clowns won't be crushed while strapped in to their toys. That would make good tele, eh? Now...when is someone going to deal with 4x4 owners and their families in the same way...
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