Deathwatch

Wonder when we'll see the first youtube death. It's bound to happen. I'm susprised we haven't yet seen Diana's death posted on it yet. Not that I would care to watch anyone's death, regardless of whether the are a Princess of the people or not. In fact I'm still traumatised by the fictional hanging of Bjork in Dancer in The Dark. People are fascinated by death, whether it be those weird old women who attend the funerals of strangers under the vale of 'paying respects', those morbid arsecakes who scan the Deaths section in the local rag, or even by killing people and writing their families letters saying how glad they were that they watched the victim suffer. (Mind you the Deaths section is probably the most entertaining part in the majority of local rags. The style and tone of writing has more flair.)

In fact I have a mate who crosses out the names of the recently deceased, from the Telephone directories. (I believe it is a popular hobby with a lot of people. For others it's the only time they get to hear news about their relatives). And it's taken over the internet. There was the German guy who ate his lover in some bizarre sex ritual after meeting on the internet, there are scores of depressed teens, attention seekers, death chasers and I use this term loosely) 'goths' who either write suicide blogs and join discussion forums, suggesting a manner of ways that death can be achieved. There was one called The Hand Holding Sisters of No Mercy, not long ago, which spoke of suicide options by mascara of all things, and even had a helpline for troubled teens who needed help getting out of the world, or finding somewhere they could die alone.
Obviously it closed down about four years ago.

There are also some 'lighthearted' examples of websites that have a deathwish or a deathwatch aspect, whereupon there are polls and competetions to see who will die this year. Current favourites or wishes, include Patrick Moore, The Queen, Margaret Thatcher and Paul O Grady.

Then there are the worst cases. The voyeurs. In the 80s and 90s they would have watched snuff movies, real life muder and rape. They're the type into big women who crush frogs and mice under their boots. These are the kind of people, like a guy I once knew at Uni, who showed me a pic of what looked like the inside of a watermelon with hair, and told me it was Kurt Cobain's head. These voyeurs will watch the those on Deathrow get executed, they will be the types who feel the death penalty is just in some US states and moan when another 'state' lobs off the head of someone from the West. But in the main all death, and especially execution is fair game, if they can get to see it, download it and forward it to their mates with the subject header 'How cool is this?' Or 'Death Rules!' Without being self-righteous there is a curio factor which is understandable. But I can't help imagine that they'd fail to see the cool side if I sent them a link of their mangled up loved ones, their special angel begging for mercy before a bullet in the face. It's fair enough that those who watch violence aren't obviously going to go out on a Patrick Bateman spree. The same goes for porn. Just because you have whacked off over two Annabel Croft types having sex, doesn't mean that you intend to be the next Fred West. (By the way he does resemble Jeremy Beadle without a beard)

If it's death these folks want to see in progress and they are patient enough, the soloution is simple. Just look in the mirror for as long as you can. Look at that sad excuse for a face, whose owner will never be what they wanted to be, whose life has passed them by, for which there will be no reprieve. Watch that person as they are slowly dying everyday, ageing ever closer to their fate of nothingness and that indignant inevitable explosion of piss and excrement. All the waste. All that time spent gawping at poor bastards as if the internet is great because it's one giant, never ending issue of Bizarre magazine. Your days are numbered. At a rough guess I'd say possibly sometime in 2039. If only you can film those 40 odd years for youtube, you'd have nothing to lose. You've had posterity. And let's face it, it wouldn't be any worse than the rest of self-indulgent dullard bile that passes for curiosity. (And they say censorship is a bad thing)