ABI BLUR FLASHFORWARD M&S NEW MOON WORLD STILL GOING MAD!?

The headlines today. Abi Titmus to play Lady Macbeth? Blur being voted best live band at UK festival awards? Flashforward still hasn't been cancelled? New Moon? M and S Christmas? Yep, it's all happening. Best Before gives it to you straight. Accept no rip off's from Charlie Brooker or anyone else.

ABI TITMUS
So some tart who shagged John Leslie and apparently enjoyed some black girl licking her arsehole (or was it the other way around) is playing Lady Macbeth? Yes, tarts can act as well. Tarts can be ambitious. But why give the role to her? Is there no other aspiring actress out there who could play the role better or has it come to getting tabloid fodder to turn Shakespeare into a freak show? I hate Shakespeare anyway. So my point is fuck off to the headline grabbing bastards who do this kind of shit. It ain't cool, it ain't fuckinfg edgy, it's simply twatty. I hope the play sinks.

Here is a link to a shit article by a shit muck raker what goes into slightly more depth and history if you can stomach the vomit. By the way, Jan Moir. You won't be getting off lightly. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1229664/Abi-Titmuss-playing-Shakespeares-famous-villain-Lady-Macbeth.html

BLUR

I kind of like Blur. Not enough to buy their albums or care about them but to say 'Yeah, they're OK.' So imagine my surprise when they win some award for being best live act based on their shambolic gig at Glastonbury last summer at the UK festival awards. Fuck's sake! There may very well be arseholes and mother fuckers who will sit around, arms folded, nod and say 'It was spontaneous, it was emotional, Coxon...Coxon..you have to hand it to them.' To which I will say, 'You're fucking up if you really believe all that bullshit. Fact 1-It souned shit. Fact 2. It wasn't this big lovefest get together or emotional reunion. Some of them needed the money. Fact 3-They hadn't actually split up in the first place. So how many times Jo Whiley wants to wet her knickers over it, just remember there were far more desrving acts. Why couldn't Bruce Springsteen have taken the crown, even just because he took great pleasure in breaking the wanky curfew with 'It's Bruce Time!' Indeed.

NEW MOON

Uh? Vampires? With a twist? Blood/ Lust? Am I fucking missing something or what?















Marks and Spencers Christmas Campaign

Oh fuck off to everyone in them! Screw you, Twiggy!








FLASHFORWARD

I suppose some of you sad fucks might be aware of this abortion of a show. It's supposed to be cool because it's like LOST! but in the city. It's supposed to inspire water cooler moments with the tagline 'What did you see?' but 1. no one actually ever has water cooler moments 2. if you said what did you see to someone, they wouldn't have clue what you're prattling on about because in all understandable likelihood they won't have watched the show, and even if they had, what would you expect them to say, when they haven't actually had a premonition. Do you expect some cunt at the water cooler to give you a fictional premonition? Do you? But it's also quite, quite awful for other reasons. The term Flashfoward is a kind of term used by screenwriters. However in this show, every sad fucker is constantly saying 'Your flashforwards...my flashforwards' or 'Their flashforwards' even when every character wouldn't speak the same or use the terminology of a writer. I suppose this is nitpicking but it's indicative of a flawed script and series. Consider that these losers want to string you along for several years. The characters are not very well developed. I'm sure the producers will say that this is on purpose and over the season we will see them develop blah di blah fucking blah but you can't care about them because the acting is so poor, even when half of them are British. The whole premise of some global catastrophe wiping people's memories for about two minutes in which everyone has preminitions isn't intriguing or new or brave, it's just gimicky and a poor excuse on which to hang a series, buy you some thinking time while everyone involved scamper about trying to come up with a decent plot and characterisation. What did you see? I see a cancellation.

The Comedian That Doesn't Tell Funny Jokes Comedian

Why? What's the point? If he's not ripping basic stand up's and jokes off he seems to be under the impression that saying something loud enough will get laughs. Apparently, fresh from his comeback of representing the dire Children In Need single and the knowingly bad, but not really biting Pop Goes The X-Factor crap he pushed onto us, he's finally got his arse into gear and is doing more shows. He's excited because he's going to enlighten us with witty observations about Wife Swap, Deal or No Deal, iPhones, Facebook and ironically, recycling. It won't matter to the dullards who lap this shite up though, will it? It's al part of their diet of X-factor, I'm a celebrity Get me out of here! and child abuse. Good to see him with the finger on the pulse, only five years out of date, eh Pete? My toes curl at the thought of his 'new' routine.

'iPhone's! Mad aren't they? Whassthatallabout!! Deal or No Deal!! That banker's mad, eh? There's no one on the phone!! Facebook! Who has face book and looks on the pics to see how fat and old their mates are?!! I'm on the cutting edge, me! I tell it like it is!!'

I'll bet Bill Hicks and Lenny Bruce are turning in their graves.

When he dies I doubt Bolton would get over it. They'd erect a big fuck off scary statue that will scare the sensitive souls and re-release 'Armarillo' as a kind of demented 'Candle in The Wind.' Whereas if Gary Megson died there'd be a big carnival inside Reebok stadium.