'It's like nothing you've heard before,' the press release that accompanies an old TDK 46 cassette, states. 'By the time you will have received this, we will all be very dead.' And lo and behold, is it really a myth? Apparently not, if the grainy newspaper cutting, reporting the deaths of four band members with self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the mouths is to be believed. Whatever happens with the fate of the album it's so far the best kept secret within and outside the music industry. The music press won't certainly touch this story and those lucky few like me, who have received the promo cassette, are still left feeling that they have just had a death threat.
So what does the album sound like? Well let's look at the tracklisting and I'll attempt to decode. I was going to put up a piece of music from them but,w e'll, I'll explain later.
1. All The Freud's in All of London Town And I Had To Bump Into You
If Razorlight were formed in the 1920's and were inspired by cheese, Isaac Newton and a bar of soap, then it would sound like this. Features the phrase that will haunt you forever, 'Fandabbidozy, cat features!'
2. Grace Jones Was Behind the 2001 Massarce of the New Yorker
Starts off with a lovely acoustic guitar strum and a refrain which bemoans Nick Hancock, Nick Ross and Nick Owen, before descending into a chaotic 1989 drenched Miss Wet T shirt soakathon. It must be the only song that I've heard this year that features slowed down explosions and the tinny voice of Michael Caine crying over the phone.
3. Suicide Watch
Quite simply it features 18 minutes of sound effects of the clickings of the mouse, pressumably to a website where Welsh emos egg each other on to see who can die the fastest. The song ends with a disappointed yawn.
4. I Blame Jack Bauer
An intriguing dub mix featuring Jack Bauer's famous line's from his work with Captain Birdseye and Rosemary Ford. 'What's on the board Miss Ford?' delivered by Buaer, to the accompaniement of Christian Bale's human beatbox is simply vicious!
5. Knuckleduster
Sadly this is a really disappointing generic, sub-Prodigy, part Oasis number which doesn't do anything for anyone. It's a terrible way to start side 2 after it ended with a weeping Bruce Forsythe.
6. You Might Say That But I Couldn't Possibly Comment
This is a romantic duet between an imagined Keith Baron and Windsor Davies. Features sadism and watersports. It's a sexy, sunkissed, lush soundscape that recalls the Beach Boys experimental album, 'Boards of Xanadu' which was only released in Preston in 1971.
7. Inside We Were All Dead
A true post lifestyle anthem surrounding guilt, lost youth and laughing at the failiures of your old friends, seeing them age, etc It is about two and a half minutes in when the tape chewed up.
Credits.
Written and Produced by Svelt Undsun, Jeremy Irons, McManus McDonald, and Miss Mary Bell.
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