Two Face

I might as well lump these two clowns, seperated at birth, shit faced-discharged haired queens together. Not because they resemble the evil lovechild of Russell Grant and Vanessa Feltz, not because they epitomise the dumbed down media, not only because the trite unimportant gossip they inspire makes Lorraine Kelly wet in her tights but because they look like a couple of cunts. Who are they, you might wonder. Darren Lyons (Mr Papparazi) and Perez Hilton. Don't know who gave him the black eye. Maybe it was the Black Eyed Peas.

This is what they actually look like when they step out of the house everyday. Perhaps they believe they look good and 'edgy', that there's something rather zany and playful about them. Perhaps they aren't aware of the irony of appearance when they don't afford the same effort to personal appearence, health and hygiene that they expect of the minor no mark celebraties they regularly exploit/masturbate/hound/torture/witch hunt. Perhaps hypocrisy means fuck all to the fat cunts, or indeed to myself for writing this. Maybe soemday we too can exchange high fives with our friends and colleagues when one or both of them are found dead, empty tubs of Ben and Jerry's strewn around the tear stained Liberace inspired crib, sticky bibs on their chests and a pile of shit smeared into the seat of their fluffy pyjamas, as their pooches sniff around there corpses. Who knows?