At 3.35 p.m, an American Airlines flight from Bristol has been diverted due to fears fears that an asian trolley dolly wearing a crucifix, and a veil, refused to smile at a leering scumbag, who had his finger up her ass. The leading American airline which was thought to have carried a contraversial cargo which also included, Heather Mills' suitcases of false legs and cash and cracked potraits of Linda McCartney, vials of bird flu and the sars virus, deceased pedos, Romanian immigrants, a smug Russell T. Davies reading 'Heat' magazine, cancer sufferers, Matthew Kelly, crying racist girls, Jack Straw, Jewish evening standard journalists and one single magpie, had to to be diverted to Lebanon where it is thought a controlled explosion will later be carried out by a Sky news reporter with a shoulder held missle launcher, accompanied by studio laughter lifted from a Keith Baron moment in 1980's TV series 'Duty Free'. For obvious security reasons the as yet unnamed reporter will then be expected to turn the gun on themselves for all to see on youtube. A myspace page then will be set up to receive messages of condolence from well wishers and haters.
Moving on...plans are also afoot to create the country's first ASBO estate, where persistant anti-social families will be re-housed and given its very own community of black children to murder, cars to damage, its owners to also murder, and bus stops to piss and puke in, and to smash, and shag over the shards. Just in case they were under any delusion that there's fuck all to do in an estate.
